


From Nothing to Nothing

by Pastel_Teacups



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-10
Updated: 2015-01-10
Packaged: 2018-03-06 22:58:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3151511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pastel_Teacups/pseuds/Pastel_Teacups
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They couldn't stay together, no matter how hard they wanted to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	From Nothing to Nothing

When Kieren met Rick they were fifteen. Just barely entering adolescence they latched quickly on to one another, and the empty static in Kieren’s head quieted somewhat whenever they were together. 

It was alright like that, for a while. Kieren was alright. He had a mate, a good mate, who seemed to enjoy his company. It was enough, for him.

\----

Things got harder, as they always did. 

 

Rick inevitably gave in to his father’s pressuring and went out for sports, leaving Kieren nothing but dark nights and between-class walks. 

Two months after Rick’s sport season started and after a particularly unfortunate game, Kieren showed up at his door with a mix tape and a determination to make Rick feel less like a loser.

Because he wasn’t a loser, and his father shouldn’t be allowed to tell Rick otherwise. 

Kieren had handed off the mix tape and Rick had given him the sort of smile that made KIeren’s heart jump every time he saw it. 

“Let me show you my room,” he’d said with such ease, and Kieren still wonders on occasion how one teenage boy could be so simple about everything. 

Rick showed Kieren his room. Kieren didn’t see the appeal to it. 

The room was filled with things Rick “liked,” but nothing that Rick truly liked. They were things his father wanted him to like. Sports. Cars. Girls.

It was that day, sitting beside one another on Rick’s bed, that they first allowed their hands to rest together, Kieren’s fingers sitting atop Rick’s as they let minutes pass in careful silence. 

It was also that day that Bill Macy walked in on his son holding hands with Kieren Walker. 

After a very loud and long shouting match Kieren was barred permanently from the Macy house, and from ever seeing Rick again.

Part of him had been angry, outraged, _pissed,_ but the rest of him could still feel the press of Rick’s hand against his palm. 

That was enough.

They could make this work.

Right? 

\----

A year later Rick tugged Kieren into a bathroom between classes and locked the door behind them, but only after glancing around to ensure nobody was there. 

Then, as carefully as approaching a wild animal, Rick reached out and took Kieren’s hand in his. 

It had been such a sudden gesture, such a new gesture, that Kieren could only stand there lost for words, pressed against a bathroom wall and Rick’s chest. 

They stood there for a long while, and when Kieren stumbled into his class he was five minutes late and couldn’t bring himself to care. 

\----

“I’m going into the army, after school.”

Everything fell apart. 

The simple words seared Kieren’s flesh, even in the dark and presumed safety of their hidden cave. 

“I-what?” 

Rick didn’t look at him, only took another long drag of his cigarette and exhaled slowly before passing it to Kieren. “When I turn eighteen, I’m joining the army.” 

Kieren couldn’t think, couldn’t breath, but he took a drag off of Rick’s cigarette anyways. He never smoked before Rick, and never without him, but it never quite burned his lungs like it did that particular evening. 

“You’re just going to leave?” Kieren asked, trying desperately not to let his voice sound so weak. 

Rick won’t look at Kieren. Kieren couldn’t remember the last time he did. “Yeah.” 

Kieren stared straight ahead, at Rick’s scrawled sixteen year old writing on the rock wall in front of him. 

_Ren + Rick 4ever._

He remembers wishing the cave would collapse. 

\----

On Rick’s last day, it’s no different than any other. 

They talked, smoked, held hands in the dark so that they wouldn’t have to admit what they did when the sun came up. 

Rick handed him a postcard, and then he was gone. 

\----

News had spread quickly about Rick Macy’s death. 

The metal felt cold against Kieren’s wrists, but he couldn’t stop himself. 

\----

Rick was back. 

Rick was back, and he was smiling and laughing like nothing had changed at all. 

There was something wrong with him, with the way he drank and laughed like he was alive when he wasn’t. 

But Kieren didn’t say anything. Wouldn’t say anything. 

Rick was back, after all, and he wouldn’t risk losing him for some stupid feeling that tightened his chest and made him want to shrink. 

\----

Rick was gone again, just like that. 

Slumped against Kieren’s garage door he was just _gone, _and Kieren knew why and how and who.__

__Rick was gone, and Kieren could only feel pain._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Any Comments/Criticisms are welcome!


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